“He’s not messaging me back.”
“We always talk about hanging out but we never actually hang out.”
“Does he even like me?!”
One thing that was really rad about last year is that most of my best friends and I were on the same sort of wavelength in terms of our love lives. No matter who I was hanging out with, eventually the conversation trickled into “… so how is it going with ____?”
And often times, the answer was met with phrases similar to the ones listed above. We would dissect text messages and conversations, like amateur anthropologists trying to decode a language from another culture. Because don’t they say something about men being from mars and women being from venus?
As for myself at that time, despite being relatively new, my relationship status was (and still is) pretty great. However, after having those amateur anthropologist moments with friends and being generally surrounded by their nervous (kind of anxious)- new-to-relationship-energy, I found myself internally questioning my feelings, questioning the guy I was dating (now partner), and finding reasons to bemoan.
I had no reason to be anxious and nervous. The aforementioned guy is a friend who I respect, trust, and care about. We have no problems “getting real” with serious talk when needed and he really is great. So what’s the deal with these Debbie downer feels and thoughts?
Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love my friends and the roles have definitely been switched before; however, I had to ask myself- whose energy is this? As it certainly wasn’t my own.
How often do we lend an empathetic ear and get sucked in to another’s story, only to be spit out feeling just a touch affected and a little too invested?
We are compassionate, loving people (at least the people who read this blog are) and in order to continue to be compassionate, empathetic people- without losing a part of ourselves, we need to learn to take care of ourselves and stay grounded in our own energy .
Some tips to get grounded (and you may have your own ritual):
- Go for a run
- Get some fresh air
- Meditate. Even if it’s just for 5 minutes- find stillness and take a few deep breaths. –Check in with yourself and jot down some bullet points about how you’re feeling
- Do something for yourself- a bath, a meal, whatever it is.
What’s your grounding ritual?