We are drawn to what’s familiar. In fact, we love it. It’s easy to follow our own formulas and fall into the same old routines. What happened to convince us that life is supposed to be comfortable?
I’ve always been so calculated with how I should feel about my life. I thought I knew what it should look like; I thought I understood where I was supposed to be at my age. I had that magical little quality that I believed everyone should be searching for: direction.
When my career, my relationship, or the experiences I had didn’t live up to the mindfuck of my own life formula (or the perfect curated Instagram profile), then I told myself something was wrong — I lost my direction, which is really just a code word for control. My remedy? Find the familiar.
How do we open up to acknowledging the uneasy, imperfect parts of our relationships, our experiences, and ourselves — and actually listen?
MAYBE WE NEED TO STOP PREPROGRAMMING OURSELVES TO RATIONALIZE, TO BELIEVE THAT OUR LIVES SHOULD BE STEADY AND LINEAR. THE CURVEBALLS THAT GET HURLED AT US, THE ONES THAT DON’T MAKE ANY SENSE—MAYBE WE NEED TO GRASP THEM. MAYBE WE NEED TO HOLD ON AND LET THEM SCARE US SHITLESS, INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MAINTAIN CONTROL.
I recently told the part of my brain that craved stability and perfection to (nicely) fuck off. Instead, I chased uncertainty. I stopped running back to what made me feel safe and I gave into the unknown. That didn’t come naturally, and I still struggle with it all the time, but I’ve learned a few lessons along the way.
1. SITTING WITH DISCOMFORT MAKES YOU POWERFUL.
Uncertainty is scary, but being perpetually comfortable is paralyzing. It creates a fortress around new, exciting, breathtaking experiences. Stop chasing comfort, because eventually it will suffocate you. Instead, break it. Break routine, crash through that protective bubble that we all so often retreat into. Run after what pushes you to be better, what makes you take the biggest risks. Do the unpredictable, and throw up your middle finger to anyone who tells you you’re making a mistake.
2. NOT HAVING A CLUE UNLOCKS YOUR POTENTIAL.
Guess what? It’s okay to wander. It’s fine to not know what the hell to do next. It’s normal to not have a clear plan of action. When you’re uncertain about the future, instead of bitching about it, start wandering with a purpose. Explore. Create. Make shit happen. Do everything that you thought you didn’t have the time or capacity for. When you work on yourself, you become infinitely more available for new opportunities in life and in love.
3. BEING VULNERABLE ALLOWS YOU TO LOVE HARDER.
If you aren’t familiar with Brené Brown’s work, now is the time. Dig deep into being vulnerable and work on eliminating any fear that you are not enough. Let go of who you were before, and start living in the present. Stop taking the easy way out and running away from your fears of being alone, of being rejected, of being hurt. Face them head on and take the emotional risks. Don’t settle for an inauthentic version of yourself, and don’t expect anyone else to settle for that either.
We continue to fall into what we know (that cushy, all-too-alluring comfortable life). Why? Because uncertainty is like chaos — it rises up through your chest and feels remarkably like panic. It’s vulnerability talking, loudly. Instead of running the other way and choosing the easy road, stand firm and lean into it. Don’t have an agenda. Forget about your plan, because life will throw its inevitable curveballs. So embrace uncertainty, sit with discomfort, and give up control. You’ll figure the rest out along the way — I promise.
This is a guest post by Chelle Morgan. She's a writer with wild ambitions and a restless spirit. If this resonated with you, you can read more on her site here: (link)