We need to talk.
Four words that no one really likes to say, and no one really likes to hear.
Yet if we didn't have these tough conversations, there is no way we would function in relationships of any sort. As we all (hopefully) know, relationships- whether they be intimate and romantic, friendships, or work-related, all require some level of communication. The ideal is for the communication to be honest and open, even when the things that need to be said are no fun to say.
Recently, it’s been an ongoing thing between me and most of my friends. We’re all in various stages of dating and as women in their 20s will, we consult one another for advice. The common thread between all advice has been “you need to have a conversation with him.”
Want to find out if he actually likes you or if you’ve been friend zoned? Have a talk.
Want to know why he doesn’t text? Have a talk.
Want to be open to seeing other people but don’t want to hurt his feelings? Have a goddamn talk.
I’M THINKING YOU GET IT BY NOW. CONVERSATION IS KING.
So you’ve figured out what you need to do and now you’ve mustered up the courage to converse. This next thing I want to share with you is KEY. Highlight, bold, and underline it kind of KEY. Picked it up from a yoga teacher training/ ancient scripture but it sure as heck applies to modern day life & modern day romance.
“YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO WORK BUT NEVER TO THE FRUIT OF WORK.”
If you’re confused, bear with me. Because here’s the next line:
“YOU SHOULD NEVER ENGAGE IN ACTION FOR THE SAKE OF REWARD.”
Still lost? Basically, my intention for sharing this is to remind us all (myself included), that you can amp yourself up for a tough conversation all you want but once you’ve decided to do it, you then need to wipe the slate clean and go into it completely open.Withhold any expectation of where you want the conversation to go. Otherwise, it is less of a conversation and more of a monologue.
You can plan out what you’re going to say and what you need to get across but once it’s out there, it’s out there. There is no guarantee that the person you are talking to will reciprocate- both feelings and conversation- and that is something you need to understand before getting into it. It’s scary, I know, but it’s way better than agonizing and running the situation through your head over, and over, and over again.
-Or worse, staying complacent in uncertainty because it’s simply easier to turn a blind eye and play the victim (more on that in another blogpost).
Whether it’s a talk to get on the same page in a relationship, or it’s a situation at work, bite the bullet, and have the talk. It’s the responsible, and kinder thing to do.