“You are powerful in your letting go. You are more powerful in your letting go than in your holding on. The letting go is your strength. The more you can let go, the stronger you become. Fear causes people to grasp and hold. Letting go creates Infinite freedom. I suggest you take Infinite freedom.”
~Divine Mother through Connie Huebner
I don’t think I’ve ever really been a team player. Don’t get me wrong- I love people, I just don’t like working with people. I’m the kind of person that, when I have a vision for something, I get on that one-track-mind life and plough forwards to make it happen. Inefficiency frustrates me and dilly-dallying on decision making is the bane of my existence.
This last year, I’ve gone from being an independent one-woman show to working with two other partners on an upcoming project.
Backstory- After hosting the one day mobile meditation studio pop up last December, a man named Evian reached out to me and said he wanted to chat as he was already planning a very similar idea for a business. Long story short, I met with him and his business partner Hiroko and together we became the trio behind Moment Meditation.
Like any relationship, our business partnership started out with glowing excitement. We couldn’t stop talking about big picture and the wonderful places we wanted to take this idea. However, like with any relationship, we soon had to have the tough conversations and make tough decisions. In particular- a conversation around money surfaced. How much money was each person going to contribute?
Because the branding behind “MOMENT” was something I had worked on, on my own, almost two years ago when I hosted the pop up meditation studio, this new company founded by the three of us was going to “buy the brand” off of me, the individual, and this would be a part of my contribution. Immediately, I felt a sense of resistance well up within me. The truth was, I was afraid. I was afraid they would try to change the MOMENT brand. I was afraid of being used. I was afraid of being nudged out of my own “baby”- that they, these strangers I had just met this year, would purchase this brand from me and then kick me out of it. After all, I was the new one. They had been talking about this long before I was around. I was the addition. I was replaceable.
This fear and lack of trust meant I needed to protect myself. As they say, I had to look out for number one. So I raised my walls, put up my guard, and I dug my heels in on matters that required me to give- even just a little. I had heard horror stories about partnerships gone wrong and I was convinced that could happen in this case so I turned myself into an obstacle, halting progress, at least until we signed papers with a lawyer.
And surprise surprise, that didn’t work.
As my business partner Hiroko likes to remind me, the brain’s job is to keep us alive- which means seeking out all the things that are wrong in the situation and making sure we’re aware of them. What we’re trying to do with meditation is to notice the sometimes outrageous stories the brain weaves. I’m not sure what clicked but at some point, I decided to stop resisting. I made the conscious decision to turn away from my chattering brain and to turn towards trust. I forged ahead, not looking back. (And fortunately for us as a lawyer’s docs wouldn’t arrive for another five months at which point we had already secured an architect.) When I decided to trust my partners and let go of the vision that I clung to in my mind, things suddenly became smoother and easier. I was moving with the flow rather than against it. Decision making moved more quickly when we were all, truly, open-minded. I no longer felt the imagined animosity that I had been feeling and instead, finally, began to feel like a part of a team.